In news that has shocked at least one person, wines taste great. I should know, I’ve been drinking.

This intrepid reporter has spent weeks researching the taste of literally many wines, and in his expert – and sober – opinion, they were all fabulous.

In a shocking twist, the same wines were found to make said reporter more attractive, confident, and successful with the opposite sex. Of particular interest, the wines helped inspire a new interpretive dance style, coined by one awestruck passer-by as “get off my lawn, you drunken tool”.

Now the problem here is I have to make up a lot of text to fill this page, and frankly, I’d rather be drinking. So here’s what we’re going to do dear reader. Now the problem here is I have to make up a lot of text to fill this page, and frankly, I’d rather be drinking. So here’s what we’re going to do dear reader.

Aha! Did you catch that? Probably not. Nobody reads these things anymore. Honestly I had a larger audience writing newsletters for the local pet store. Less free wine though.

Still, I get paid by the word, so here’s a lot of words, I mean a lot of words, I mean a lot lot lot of words for you. Did I mention I get paid by the word, so here’s a lot of words, I mean a lot of words, I mean a lot lot lot of words for you.

Oh yeah, by the way I get paid by the word, so here’s a lot of words, I mean a lot of words, I mean a lot lot lot of words for you.

I know I’m a genius. I owe it all to the wine!

References: Dr. Nicholas Riviera